What’s so funny is that submission to the patriarchy, at least in the West, hasn’t included the abject subserviance of women. Obedience mostly looks like letting men be who they really are. It looks like not trampling down the personhood of either party. It looks like kindly deference. It looks like offering wise counsel but then not interfering in the reasonable plans and thoughts of men. It looks like being sensible enough not to be a girl-boss or a battle axe. Most women still know this, mercifully.
My wonderful, stalwart, Christian husband and I will soon celebrate our 29th anniversary. I regularly pray about how I can build my husband up and strengthen our marriage. The results, by God's grace, look very much like your description of Christian submission -- letting him be himself, offering counsel which I pray is wise, and supporting his plans. I would add it's very good for wives to notice the quiet accomplishments and self-sacrificing service of their godly husbands, and show our admiration.
My prediction is that this polycule will dissolve, acrimoniously, within three years, especially if they buy a house.
Thomas Sowell says that there are two views of human nature: constrained and unconstrained. These people believe that humanity is the latter: we can make reality by our decisions, and reality will become what we decide - we can be "polyamorous" and it will work out how we decide, without jealousy or pain. But we who know God know that humanity is constrained - there is a human nature, and that nature only flourishes by keeping to God's design. Since we are sinners, even if we have been forgiven, following God's design is neither easy nor perfect, but it reaps far better results than denying God's design for a faithful marriage of one man and one woman who are faithful to one another.
As one approaching his 49th wedding anniversary, I can say that faithfulness, openness of heart, and mutual self-sacrifice brings a depth of relationship far more satisfying than physical pleasure, as wonderful as that is. Without repentance, these people will never know what they are missing.
This gives me SO many ideas, I was tempted to do "7 Takes" on it. But I'll burden you with a few less:
1. I can't explain this phenomenon, except that some anxious people, jumping the gun and not waiting for Judgment Day, desire to plunge directly into hell.
2. If the polycule is led by people "identifying as female" wouldn't that be a way that the patriarchy could sneak back into a leadership role? After all, anyone may now identify as female, and we are not allowed to question them.
3. If you remove the sex (and the unwillingness ever to ask permission for anything) from the polycule equation, you are left with a parish church: "For the first time in my life, I’ve found community, in a true sense. These are people who really show up for each other in beautiful ways, people who aren’t guarded around each other. It’s just pure love. I can’t imagine my life without it now." That describes our parish EXACTLY, with the one difference being that we are not narcissists. "A doctor, a lawyer, and a physical therapist walk into a church ..."
4. This Boston polycule reminds me of nothing so much as the center panel of Hieronymus Bosch's "Garden of Earthly Delights". And the panel to the right is a picture of their final end (if they don't repent). But, seriously, spend some time looking at that central panel, and see if it doesn't seem exactly like a big polycule, all "vibing" with each other!
What about the children? I counsel with women at my volunteer work who have had their children molested/raped by their “partners.” It is horrible. The state is involved of course. We pour Jesus into them. We pray. We cry.
Statistically, having a non related male present in a child's home is a terrifically dangerous situation to be in.
And somewhat more prosaically: how in the world do you parent all day when you stay up all night talking about your feelings and your lusts and the children's father is having sex with a stranger across town?
I get a decent night's sleep next to my sweet husband, blissfully unencumbered by all that drama and self-absorption and mating politics, and I'm still exhausted daily by the work of mothering. He's exhausted by working for a living and fathering. How do these people find the time?
Exactly. I once worked with a fellow nurse who had a little girl. She never let a man in her apartment. She understood what danger that would pose to her daughter.
Lord have mercy, so many new words that boggle the mind: "polycule" -- "transmasc" - "compersion" -- a whole new vocabulary to navigate, its no wonder this group is stressed. Sin seems to beget sin and under it all seems the word "empower". How many lives are being deceived by lies of being powerful and free when they are in a free fall of enslavement. Lord have mercy indeed.
First off. Jane Austen is a babe!! We all know this, and those who don’t are most likely enemies of all that is good and right.
Second, I know that you’re concerned with eternity, but I’m going to say that these folks have triple underlined Sartre’s famous line from No Exit, “Hell is other people.” In fact, while I might not believe in eternal conscious torture, I do believe in the theory of relatively and reading through these quotes made me think that perhaps Loki, having venom dropped in his face while being hung by the entrails of his children, was a pretty decent trade off. What this reveals is a sort of tendency to take lovely things and make them just awful, which is the act of reducing sexual and emotional intimacy to an Org Chart. I am not particularly morally horrified at this scene, but I am aesthetically insulted. Anne, your writing in the other hand is sharp and delightful. Way to take a rapier to such dull absurdity.
Anne, you wrote this piece beautifully. Thank you for adding the humor. It keeps one from
sobbing.
When the “love” fades and the anger comes, how do you deal with anger at twenty different people? From my vantage point, working through conflict with just one spouse is a lot. How confusing will it be to try to work out the feelings and confusion and justifiable (even if it is self-inflicted) rage when this goes south?
It seems to me the passivity of the men is their down fall. Rejecting God’s role for them (leaders, protectors, providers) while the women rebel against God’s role (for women) will have some pretty awful outcomes for all.
I love this paragraph:
What’s so funny is that submission to the patriarchy, at least in the West, hasn’t included the abject subserviance of women. Obedience mostly looks like letting men be who they really are. It looks like not trampling down the personhood of either party. It looks like kindly deference. It looks like offering wise counsel but then not interfering in the reasonable plans and thoughts of men. It looks like being sensible enough not to be a girl-boss or a battle axe. Most women still know this, mercifully.
My wonderful, stalwart, Christian husband and I will soon celebrate our 29th anniversary. I regularly pray about how I can build my husband up and strengthen our marriage. The results, by God's grace, look very much like your description of Christian submission -- letting him be himself, offering counsel which I pray is wise, and supporting his plans. I would add it's very good for wives to notice the quiet accomplishments and self-sacrificing service of their godly husbands, and show our admiration.
My prediction is that this polycule will dissolve, acrimoniously, within three years, especially if they buy a house.
Thomas Sowell says that there are two views of human nature: constrained and unconstrained. These people believe that humanity is the latter: we can make reality by our decisions, and reality will become what we decide - we can be "polyamorous" and it will work out how we decide, without jealousy or pain. But we who know God know that humanity is constrained - there is a human nature, and that nature only flourishes by keeping to God's design. Since we are sinners, even if we have been forgiven, following God's design is neither easy nor perfect, but it reaps far better results than denying God's design for a faithful marriage of one man and one woman who are faithful to one another.
As one approaching his 49th wedding anniversary, I can say that faithfulness, openness of heart, and mutual self-sacrifice brings a depth of relationship far more satisfying than physical pleasure, as wonderful as that is. Without repentance, these people will never know what they are missing.
This gives me SO many ideas, I was tempted to do "7 Takes" on it. But I'll burden you with a few less:
1. I can't explain this phenomenon, except that some anxious people, jumping the gun and not waiting for Judgment Day, desire to plunge directly into hell.
2. If the polycule is led by people "identifying as female" wouldn't that be a way that the patriarchy could sneak back into a leadership role? After all, anyone may now identify as female, and we are not allowed to question them.
3. If you remove the sex (and the unwillingness ever to ask permission for anything) from the polycule equation, you are left with a parish church: "For the first time in my life, I’ve found community, in a true sense. These are people who really show up for each other in beautiful ways, people who aren’t guarded around each other. It’s just pure love. I can’t imagine my life without it now." That describes our parish EXACTLY, with the one difference being that we are not narcissists. "A doctor, a lawyer, and a physical therapist walk into a church ..."
4. This Boston polycule reminds me of nothing so much as the center panel of Hieronymus Bosch's "Garden of Earthly Delights". And the panel to the right is a picture of their final end (if they don't repent). But, seriously, spend some time looking at that central panel, and see if it doesn't seem exactly like a big polycule, all "vibing" with each other!
What about the children? I counsel with women at my volunteer work who have had their children molested/raped by their “partners.” It is horrible. The state is involved of course. We pour Jesus into them. We pray. We cry.
Statistically, having a non related male present in a child's home is a terrifically dangerous situation to be in.
And somewhat more prosaically: how in the world do you parent all day when you stay up all night talking about your feelings and your lusts and the children's father is having sex with a stranger across town?
I get a decent night's sleep next to my sweet husband, blissfully unencumbered by all that drama and self-absorption and mating politics, and I'm still exhausted daily by the work of mothering. He's exhausted by working for a living and fathering. How do these people find the time?
Exactly. I once worked with a fellow nurse who had a little girl. She never let a man in her apartment. She understood what danger that would pose to her daughter.
Lord have mercy, so many new words that boggle the mind: "polycule" -- "transmasc" - "compersion" -- a whole new vocabulary to navigate, its no wonder this group is stressed. Sin seems to beget sin and under it all seems the word "empower". How many lives are being deceived by lies of being powerful and free when they are in a free fall of enslavement. Lord have mercy indeed.
First off. Jane Austen is a babe!! We all know this, and those who don’t are most likely enemies of all that is good and right.
Second, I know that you’re concerned with eternity, but I’m going to say that these folks have triple underlined Sartre’s famous line from No Exit, “Hell is other people.” In fact, while I might not believe in eternal conscious torture, I do believe in the theory of relatively and reading through these quotes made me think that perhaps Loki, having venom dropped in his face while being hung by the entrails of his children, was a pretty decent trade off. What this reveals is a sort of tendency to take lovely things and make them just awful, which is the act of reducing sexual and emotional intimacy to an Org Chart. I am not particularly morally horrified at this scene, but I am aesthetically insulted. Anne, your writing in the other hand is sharp and delightful. Way to take a rapier to such dull absurdity.
Anne, you wrote this piece beautifully. Thank you for adding the humor. It keeps one from
sobbing.
When the “love” fades and the anger comes, how do you deal with anger at twenty different people? From my vantage point, working through conflict with just one spouse is a lot. How confusing will it be to try to work out the feelings and confusion and justifiable (even if it is self-inflicted) rage when this goes south?
It seems to me the passivity of the men is their down fall. Rejecting God’s role for them (leaders, protectors, providers) while the women rebel against God’s role (for women) will have some pretty awful outcomes for all.
These people remind me of Byron and Shelley and their many entanglements. Only without the incest?