This one hits a bit too close to home for me. I am too much like Lei Wang; I have believed too much in the "zhiji". I've tried several friendships of this variety. Which may, in fact, saying that I'm not talking about same thing at all, since the "know-self" is supposedly so rare. Whatever I've found must be something quite more common.
In each case, it ended one of two ways: an ebbing back into a normal, sensible, even minimal friendship ... or, some kind of trainwreck.
I even wrote a novel about one such friendship. So far, though, everyone I've shared it with says it is no good.
Ultimately, what I learned about those attempts at zhiji friendships is this: That's WAY too much weight and responsibility to hang on one individual. It is not fair to them or good for me. It is a weight that only Jesus can carry; and He is so very willing to do so. As for mere human friends, it is best to have them share my burdens by having many normal friendships than one crazy, intense one.
"There is a “connection” that can hold all that she needs. It is the Body of Christ, the place where we are taught the way of love, where we are bound by love to each other and to God."
Yes, and that's where I find myself now. It has made a huge difference for me to find a parish where we all see each other several times a week, socially, in Bible Study, and in worship. It is, ultimately what Lei Wang is looking for. I will say a prayer for her.
Language is such a fun thing. I love the, and by love I mean I don’t, the movement from partner to wife and then back to partner again. There are always the rhetorical devices we all use to pretend to ourselves. I remember when I first started dating my wife, Jena, I was still also interested in another young woman. After hanging out with the other young woman for the evening, I met up with Jena, and she let me know that what I had done was hurtful to her, that she was taking a risk with me and was vulnerable. I replied, “I don’t want to be a Jerk,” and she quickly interrupted, “then don’t be.” When we were married, my Best Man took me aside and said that I needed to wear my marriage like a habit (that is, build habits that protect you but also make it visible to others like a priest’s habit), which will often protect me when I might be weak and prone to destroy all the good things that marriage brings. I’ve taken both my wife’s first admonition and my friend’s exhortation with me all these years.
This one hits a bit too close to home for me. I am too much like Lei Wang; I have believed too much in the "zhiji". I've tried several friendships of this variety. Which may, in fact, saying that I'm not talking about same thing at all, since the "know-self" is supposedly so rare. Whatever I've found must be something quite more common.
In each case, it ended one of two ways: an ebbing back into a normal, sensible, even minimal friendship ... or, some kind of trainwreck.
I even wrote a novel about one such friendship. So far, though, everyone I've shared it with says it is no good.
Ultimately, what I learned about those attempts at zhiji friendships is this: That's WAY too much weight and responsibility to hang on one individual. It is not fair to them or good for me. It is a weight that only Jesus can carry; and He is so very willing to do so. As for mere human friends, it is best to have them share my burdens by having many normal friendships than one crazy, intense one.
"There is a “connection” that can hold all that she needs. It is the Body of Christ, the place where we are taught the way of love, where we are bound by love to each other and to God."
Yes, and that's where I find myself now. It has made a huge difference for me to find a parish where we all see each other several times a week, socially, in Bible Study, and in worship. It is, ultimately what Lei Wang is looking for. I will say a prayer for her.
Relationships are hard, people disappoint, things do too. Jesus fills all the holes.
Language is such a fun thing. I love the, and by love I mean I don’t, the movement from partner to wife and then back to partner again. There are always the rhetorical devices we all use to pretend to ourselves. I remember when I first started dating my wife, Jena, I was still also interested in another young woman. After hanging out with the other young woman for the evening, I met up with Jena, and she let me know that what I had done was hurtful to her, that she was taking a risk with me and was vulnerable. I replied, “I don’t want to be a Jerk,” and she quickly interrupted, “then don’t be.” When we were married, my Best Man took me aside and said that I needed to wear my marriage like a habit (that is, build habits that protect you but also make it visible to others like a priest’s habit), which will often protect me when I might be weak and prone to destroy all the good things that marriage brings. I’ve taken both my wife’s first admonition and my friend’s exhortation with me all these years.