Try Writing a More Interesting Story

Wild Beach Creatures, A Podcast, and Two Really Foolish People

The podcast I did with Melanie about Gafcon and the Kigali Commitment over at Postmodern Realities/CRJ is up if you’d like to give it a listen [youtube below/article forthcoming]. Made me think of the weaver birds in Kenya, for some reason, which were so enchanting. Could have watched them for hours making their grand, bulbous nests hanging so precariously from the thorn trees.

Yesterday I sat in the hot sun and observed a translucent crab digg out its hole for a long while. In it would go, out it would come with little bits of sand, which it would fling in my direction. Eventually, too many people came, and the sun was so hot, that it retreated into its lair for the rest of the afternoon.

Everyone needs something useful to do, I think. Something clever and interesting. I can keep writing articles about Gafcon, my children can swim in the ocean, the bishops of the Church of England can turn their dark hearts towards overt totalitarianism, and these two people, in this article can devise a vain thing that, when they come to the end of their lives, will definitely prove to have been a bad choice:

An Australian man got a vasectomy at 34 so he and his wife could lead a “selfish” life without children, which entails taking lots of naps and vacationing whenever they want. “It is my chance to enjoy a carefree life,” Heraldo Uribe told South West News Service of living the alleged dream. He and his wife, Indi, 25, are self-proclaimed “DINKs” (which stands for “dual income no kids”), an apparently growing contingent of couples who abstain from having tykes as they feel it gives them more freedom — financial and otherwise. “The DINK lifestyle is a bit selfish — in the best way,” declared Indi, a makeup artist in Sydney, who claims she chose not to have children because she is self-centered.

The piece plugs along in the usual manner of these things:

The major perk of the DINK life? The ability to be “spontaneous,” per Indi, who claims she can “take a nap whenever I want,” “go for dinner when I want” and “visit friends” without having to rearrange her life. “I want peace and quiet and kids are noisy,” she declared. “I don’t see how a child would fit into our life.”

And then comes to this illuminating amalgamation of foolishness:

One of the benefits is being able to travel anywhere at any time and the soulmates make it a point to take a vacation once a year and also visit friends whenever they desire. “The DINK lifestyle allows me to almost get my childhood back and enjoy a stress-free life,” declared Hector. “I can focus on what I want — my career, my commitment as a husband and helping others.” Now, five years into their relationship, neither party appears to regret their decision to not further the family tree. “Your life is yours,” said Heraldo. “Everyone else already lived their life by their design so don’t let them dictate what you do with your opportunity.” He added: “Life is a gift so use it to write your own story.”

I guess, if you say so, especially if you’re going to use that life to write the tritest possible story that possesses no plot and is of no interest to anyone. Also, have you noticed how people who say they want to “help people” in the midst of explaining to you all the lovely self-care they’re doing for themselves rarely get around to “helping people?” They suddenly can’t think of what that helping work would look like. They seem suddenly tired from all the useless rest. Also, I feel like there was once someone clever who pointed out, somewhere, that your life is actually not your own. That all of you were made by God and owe him your obedience and love, and that those of you who admitted you couldn’t do that were bought with a price and so still cannot claim that your life “is yours.”

Anyway, I really like how the article ends. Mad props for excellent trolling:

Interestingly, statistically abstaining from having kids doesn’t guarantee romantic longevity: Studies have found that childless couples in the US divorce at a higher rate than those with kids. Then again, this is not necessarily an indicator of overall happiness because as the marital satisfaction of new parents declines so does the probability of them splitting up. Meanwhile, a 2018 study found that having children can increase happiness provided that the parents can afford them.

Mmhhmmm. Yes. As I was watching the crab pop down and then pop back up to fling sand out upon the sandy shore, I wished I could have so simple a job. The task is so obvious, so bounded, so reasonable. In all the mess and confusion of a world that looks deep into its soul and decides, after all, that whatever the original design and task is not that interesting, or won’t be fulfilling after all, and that the only hope is to just love oneself a lot lot more I find myself waiting for a better and more interesting story. The person who quietly does what God commands is turning out to be the most fascinating creature one can imagine. If I happen by one, I will stop and take its picture and put it on Insta to mark the occasion.

Anyway, here’s the pod on Youtube if you like, and have a nice day!