The Blue Cup or the Red Cup?

7 Takes to Being a Good Mother

Birthing Persons' Day is just around the corner, and I thought I had better get my advice out there before the market on mothering takes is saturated. What the world needs now, no lie, are some good mothers who know what they're doing. Here are some tips for enjoying motherhood.

One

Become friends, if possible, with your own mother, and if possible, your grandmothers. I am most fortunate to have a lovely mother I can be friends with, but not everyone does. Some try hard and can’t, some try hard and do but have to work at it all the time. Sometimes mothers aren't even there, or they didn't know how to be a mother at all until it was too late and their children were all grown up. There are a lot of ways the relationship between a mother and a child can be wrecked, but if you are a mother yourself, especially with young children, forgiving your own mother and becoming friends with her--at least in your own mind, if she isn't physically there--will ultimately make your own task of mothering easier, if only because, through forgiveness, you can get her voice out of your head and be your own person. Easier said than done, of course, but it’s worth the work.

Two

Don't be friends with your kids, though, especially if they are small. Your greatest desire, perhaps, might be to be friends with your child and not friends with your mother, but a good relationship with your own mom will make your life easier down the road. You can be friend-ly to your children, of course, and enjoy them, but until they're in their late teens, being friends with them is liable to make them uncomfortable, and maybe even anxious, for they are actually expecting you to be their mother and to find their friends elsewhere.