Paula White and the Passover of Destiny

In Which I Watch That Video and Fly Off the Handle As Usual

File: Passover (8606526002).jpg - Wikimedia Commons

I finally gave up and, on Monday, ordered myself a laptop that the AI demons of the internet assured me would work. I was very anxious about having to choose one out of all the millions of machines with their lists of RAM and Memory and promises of functionality. I worried I was being profligate and foolish and that perhaps I should endure a while longer with my solid and beloved HP that has served me so well and traveled so far. But then, a split second after I pushed the large yellow Buy button, as if to confirm all the decisions I have ever made in my sad and sorry life, the wretched thing shut itself off. So I turned it back on. And then it went off again, and so I turned it on, and then it went off, over and over again for the rest of the day, thereby confirming to me by signs and wonders that I had done the right thing. Yesterday afternoon the new one arrived, and while it is not quite so beautiful as my beloved old one, it works. In fact, it is so fast that I was able to watch a video and type something at the same time and then check my email and then pop over to X, all without tears and the gnashing of teeth.

Moreover, as if the day could only get better, the video I watched was this one:

Paula White, you might remember (I didn’t) is the person President Trump has put in charge of all our faith efforts. I rediscovered this fact because at the end of the half hour or so that it takes to watch this fascinating explication of how to get rich and be happy, there’s a short clip of the president lauding Ms. White for being one of the best people, the very best. Also, Matt reminded me, Ms. White believes that the very last thing you want to do is “deny yourself .” “Anyone,” she says, “who tells you to deny yourself is from Satan.” This fascinating theological sentiment allows us to conclude, without the effort of thought whether deep or shallow, that Ms. White is not a Christian, and so whatever she says about the Bible is useful only for the sake of morbid curiosity, a trait, as you well know, which I possess in abundance.