For Pity's Sake

Toxic Empathy and Work-Life "Balance"

File:Pieter de Hooch 006.jpg - Wikimedia Commons

I’m still alive! I meant to post yesterday—however briefly—but we had to get from one part of these southern climes to another, from our diocesan clergy and spouses retreat to this conference where Matt will be talking about how to be an awesomely mighty manly man. Having read his talk six or seven times by now I can say with authority that it’s going to be great.

So first of all, yesterday I was going to post the short ten-minute back-and-forth we did at the retreat. Our bishop has a riotous sense of humor and asked us to give advice about how to have a good “work-life balance.” Here is the result:

Second of all, wandering around a foreign Planet Fitness this morning—narrator, it looks exactly like the one back home, including the cliental which ranges from beleaguered person on treadmill trying to get thinner to scantily clad young lady filming herself to middle-aged guy doing his regular thing to gangster LARPer—I finished listening to Allie Beth Stuckey’s book which has made it onto the New York Times best-seller list. I gather that Russell Moore wrote a sort of oblique attack in Christianity Today against her tweet about who “the least of these” refers to, which perhaps helped to drive up sales. Here is an excellent takedown of Moore.

So anyway, the book is a good short read/listen. If you don’t feel like voting (like me) Stuckey will persuade you how misguided that inclination is. I very much liked the book for two reasons.

First of all, it turns out that progressivism, as a sort of religious system, is not very robust. It derives all its categories from Christianity, and Christianity is so rich and true that its various anti-versions, like the social-justice gospel, or gender-affirming care are easily blown away with a couple of properly reasoned Bible verses. You don’t have to have a seven-year theological PhD to figure out where Satan’s lies are finding their purchase. All you have to do is be willing to admit that God is better than you are and that he is able to communicate himself in the Bible. I loved the way Stuckey so blithely points this out in her conclusion.

Second of all, the book was a timely encouragement to me to check my empathy by the scripture. I am, by nature, a people-pleaser. I really hate it when anyone is annoyed with me, which means that I am almost always uncomfortable, as so many good souls, both near and far, are constantly annoyed with me. I have a whole host of characters who live rent-free in my head—those who I would give almost everything in the world to please if I could. My affectionate pity for myself—that other people would love me more than they love God—often causes me not to take offense when I ought. I am not saying that it is at all good to take offense where none is intended, but that when someone does mean to offend me, I am very quick to let that person off the hook. And this inclination, though sometimes godly, is more self-protective than it should be. It gets me into a muddle, causing me not to speak about what I know to be true because I don’t want to lose a friendship or the approval of those I love. Ultimately, it tricks me into trying to play God, to try to save people by my own efforts instead of letting the Word of God be living and active in the world by just speaking it as it is. If you are this sort of person, Toxic Empathy might be just the ticket to cut through your hubris as it did for me.

Tomorrow, because I have got to whack out my review of The Widening of God’s Mercy, I thought I would try another live stream, for those of you who enjoyed the last one. I’m not sure what to talk about, but I’m sure I’ll be incensed about the book, at least, and if you come on and want to ask questions or tell me stuff, I’d love that! You have to be on the Substack App to get it live, but then I’ll send it out by email after that.

And on that note, have a lovely day!