"Diversity," "Equity," and "Inclusion"

Jen Hatmaker, Jesus, and Flying First Class

Photo by Deon A. Webster on Unsplash

I’m supposed to be doing a lot of stuff so I thought I would avoid all of that by surfing the internet. I am rewarded with two curiosities. They fall quite naturally under the meme Bad Wedding Wednesday. They both beautifully illustrate some super dysfunctional ways of trying to be happy with another person. Both of them fall well short of what one might call the “Biblical Sexual Ethic,” that embarrassed, tepid way of referring to one of the greatest and grandest mysteries of the Christian life. The first is from an advice column in the New York Times. Here’s the question:

My husband loves to travel and always either pays for, or gets an upgrade into, the first-class cabin. When we travel together with our children, he buys himself a ticket in first class and puts us in economy or economy plus. He even did this recently on an overnight flight to Paris. He justifies flying alone in first class because of the cost, and the fact that our kids (12 and 16) might feel alone if I were to travel in first with him and leave them in the rear cabin. I feel that this is unfair.

I don’t think our kids would mind if they were in economy plus and my husband and I sat together in first class. Is that unfair of me to want? My husband has suggested traveling alone on a different flight ahead of us so that we don’t feel badly about the disparity, but this does not really address or solve the problem of the inherent selfishness in his thinking. Am I wrong? We are happy to travel, and love going places together, but it is still very strange. — Name Withheld

Well, that sure is something. Before I let you see what the New York Times thinks, let me just tell you what I would say if “Name Withheld” wrote, or rather wandered into my kitchen, grumbling, to eat cold, leftover tater tots and Aldi brie with me. I would say something like:

I’m so sorry this is how it’s going! Marriage is a peculiar kind of institution and there are so many spectacular ways of doing it wrong. Your husband sounds like an interesting person. Can you tell me more about him? Where is he from? What sort of people were his mother and father? What does he do for a living? Before you got married, what did you think marriage would be like? What do you think money represents for your husband? How does he like to spend money? How do you feel, exactly, when you find yourself in economy seating while your husband is luxuriating in first class? Here, have another tater tot. It’s the least I can do.

While I was listening to “Name Withheld” try to describe the shambles of her life, I would probably be making gallons of tea and continuously loading and unloading the dishwasher to cover my horrified embarrassment because…how can I put this gently? A man who makes his wife sit in “economy” while he sits in first class is a bad man and a bad husband. So anyway, eventually, after I had a better picture of how really very bad things are, I would work my way around to talking about what marriage is for.