Oh, wow, it’s Thursday. The week is going by much much too quickly for my convenience. So far I have not got the flu. Nevertheless, I am creeping around my house and the town in great fear, waiting for the terrible moment to arrive. I have mustered just enough faith to beg God to spare me. Who knows whether he will strike me down or let me continue staggering through the week. It’s possible he will have mercy, for my lovely cat appears to be daily improving, and all the people who have been sick are recovering. I desperately need his lovingkindness, for the things I still have to do include wrapping a huge pile of presents, decorating the whole house for Christmas, food shopping, worrying about how bad the pageant is going to be, keep administering food and medicine to the cat through a little syringe, and finding some extra moment to do all the laundry and brush my teeth.
Fortunately for me, while I accomplish all these inconsequential tasks, some crucial, ground-breaking work is being done to really discover useful information that will probably help humanity know more stuff, through the practice of science, that has literally never been known before. The article is called, I kid you not, “Study shows sex could be a better predictor of sports performance than gender identity.” What a gift! Let’s look at it together, like unwrapping a lovely Christmas present.
The authors come right out with the astonishing news in the first line. They cannot contain themselves, it seems, long enough to build up any suspense:
Sex may be a more useful explanatory variable than gender identity for predicting the performance of athletes in mass-participation races, a new paper has found.
You know, I think 2023 has been my favorite year so far, in the whole course of human history. I don’t think this can be topped. I think we only go down from here:
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